Local Author Stephanie Edens Shares Her Story of Loss
Stephanie Edens' memoir Dont Worry, I Have A Plan is a candid exploration of love, loss, and the journey through grief. Released in April 2024, the book recounts how Stephanie's world turned upside down when her husband, Peter Graham, a commercial fisherman, unexpectedly passed away. As she struggled to navigate a new life as a young widow with two small children, she is reminded of the promises she made to her husband. Don't Worry, I Have A Plan is not just her story but a lifeline for anyone walking the difficult path of grief.
The Drift sat down with Stephanie to learn more about being a first time author and the courage it takes to write a memoir about grief and loss.
Stephanie Edens
Who is Don’t Worry I Have A Plan for?
I've thought a lot about this and I have wondered who could benefit from this? And I think really everybody could. I'm not an expert in anybody else’s grief, I'm only an expert in my own grief. If anybody is going through loss I hope my story provides validation for what they're feeling and maybe a little bit of comfort knowing they're not alone. I also hope that it can provide tools for people who are walking alongside somebody who's grieving. If I had a book like this at the time maybe it would have been easier for me. If somebody had told me all of the details, all of the emotions, who got really raw with it, I may have felt more normal or that I was okay, that I could go through all of this and I would still will be okay.
In the book, your faith and relationship with God helped you navigate life after loss. What would you say to people that are grieving that may not have the same conviction?
I tried to write this being honest about my faith and my beliefs, but also in a non-intrusive way. I hope that somebody reads it and gives faith a chance in whatever way works for them. I think that God speaks to us in a manner that we can hear and it's not the same for everybody. I would also say reach out to people. Find your community. Find the people that can rally around you. Find people who have experienced the same loss and ask if they're willing to have a conversation. It’s never too late.
Was it important for you that readers knew Peter was a Christian?
Yes it was. A lot of people didn't think of him that way. Pete was a loving, giving person, but he also had a lot of attitude. I know wholeheartedly that he believed, he just didn't show it the same way. I actually think sometimes he did it better.
Has writing this book helped you on your healing journey?
It has helped me a ton. It was very cathartic but it was also very hard. I think I quit four times. My core group of friends were so caring and kind and kept telling me- “you're doing this, you can do this, we will do this together.” Which was so helpful because there were points where it felt like too much. I remember I was walking on the beach path one day and I was thinking about a podcast I had listened to about people who spend a decade or more writing their memoir. I thought, I can’t do that. And it occurred to me, it was almost like this little voice in my ear that said, but you've been writing this story for 15 years already. I was like, yeah, I have.
“I’ve learned that grief never leaves. It hangs around in the depths of your heart and mind waiting for an opportunity to remind you of the pain you still bear from loss”
Don’t Worry, I Have A Plan can be found locally at Harbor Books in Hoquiam and Lemon Hill Cafe in Montesano. It can also be purchased online at various booksellers.
When you decided to write this memoir, how did you even start?
As soon as I decided that it was time to write my story, I just started typing out everything that I could think of. I thought I could set up a writing routine but I couldn’t. I mostly wrote at night and sometimes I would be up writing until two or three in the morning, which was tough because I had to get up by five for work. And then sometimes it would be nighttime and I would try to start typing and absolutely nothing would come out. Other times I was in the middle of the grocery store and a memory would come up and I would talk into my phone real quiet so I didn’t lose the memory. I also started researching. I read a lot of blogs and listened to podcasts about writing. I attended a storytellers retreat in California and I asked a lot of questions. It was all so helpful and very encouraging.
How did you know when you were done writing?
I had a great developmental editor that helped me through that. My question to her was, how do I end a memoir when I'm still living this story? And she gave me some great advice - to find a defining moment, like a full circle moment. And I was like, oh, that's perfect. I know what that is.
What did your children think of your book?
They haven't read it yet and if they don't, that's okay. They already know the story- they lived it. When I got the courage to talk to them about writing it, I didn't need their permission, but I wanted them to be okay with it. And they were both so encouraging. I asked if they wanted to read the draft before I sent it to final edit. I wanted to be respectful of their memories and experience. Both of them declined the offer to avoid altering my perspective.
How about reaction from the community?
It’s been absolutely amazing. I mean so overwhelmingly positive that I'm still absorbing it. I'm still trying to process it. The thing is, I am introverted. I'm very private. So to put my life out there, especially to the community that has been so much a part of my life, the community that raised me, and to the people who were there- to share the details of everything- I was scared to death. In fact, it ran through my mind, that when I hit publish and the book went live, I was going to disappear and hide. Of course I didn't, but it was tough.
What advice would you give to someone that wants to write a book?
Just go for it. Write it out. Get it all out. That’s the biggest hurdle. And then you can go back and refine it. Find good editors. That was one of my non-negotiables. I had a developmental editor, a copy editor, and a line editor. And I hired out the cover and type setting because I knew I didn't have those skills. So I found the people that did. I chose self publishing because I heard how difficult the process is to get picked up by a traditional publisher.
Stephanie Edens never could have predicted that winning the VFW essay contest in elementary school would catapult her into writing her memoir one day. Stephanie lives in Westport, works for the Port of Grays Harbor, and enjoys free time with her two grandchildren. Stephanie and Peter grew up in Westport, attending Ocosta High School. Graham’s parents created the Pete Graham Scholarship, open to Ocosta graduating seniors who are connected to the fishing industry. In June, Edens presented this year’s award to Ocosta senior Andrew Martin.